Black Friday Down

So it would seem that "Black Friday" weekend sales figures are down 3% overall from last year. Despite the soulless corporations sticking their cocks even farther into Thanksgiving Day than ever before.

Some would say the drop in sales might be due to some of the masses actually finally getting fed up and refusing to shop on that weekend due to the business practice of invading the holiday even more. But that's wishful thinking. Americans are drooling fucking fucksticks who will spend twice their monthly income to "save" a few dollars.

Personally, I think the sales are down because people are fucking poor. Hard to spend money on shit when you're trying to pay back student loans on McJob wages. If the CEOs of corporations would stop thinking they deserve to have their executive washroom's toilet paper made from $1000 bills and actually PAY their employees a wage that didn't mandate said employees staying on food stamps, we might see sales increase.

Of course, the feckless monsters will see the solution to simply start the sales EVEN EARLIER, ruining the only time in the year that a lot of people have with their extended families.

No, I am not laying the blame solely on the businesses. Corporations are amoral by nature. The average CEO may rank high on the "Am I clinically a psychopath?" scale; but they wouldn't think to open their doors on holidays if their wasn't an indicator that their would be people walking through those doors. The blame lays on you idiots who made Black Friday so profitable for them.

Yes, I've been guilty of being one of the idiots camping outside early on Friday. But I grew out of it. In fact, I've vowed to not set foot in a store until after New Year's if it was open on Thanksgiving. Of course, that does not include businesses that have ALWAYS been open on Thanksgiving. Have to put that disclaimer in for the drooling fucktards that will say something stupid like "Oh, not going to the gas station? Hur hur hur. Herpyderpderp."

You are not your possessions.

Shaving JAK Day!

See the button to your right? The pretty pretty button that wants you to click it? Click it and donate some money to the JAK Shaving Day event.

Yes folks, you can be part of deciding how the Nailgun of Loving Kindness, the Bouncer of the Cosmos, the Walking Wall himself will groom his facial topiary into for the remainder of the month ( or until I get a job offer that pays me enough to not have to donate sperm to science fiction research. Whichever comes first. )

Donate to my paypal. Tell me how you'd like me to shave my follicle eruptions. If you don't know how to describe a certain style ... Here's a handy dandy lil chart.

The style chosen which gets the most money by 0900 ( that's 9AM, folks ) Eastern Standard Time on September 20th will be how the beard gets shaven. Again, that's 09/20/2013 at 0900 EST ... Make sure to have your votes in by then.

As an added bonus for the truly sadistic. If any bids go over $100 dollars; the highest bidder may come over and perform the shave in person. C'mon ... you know you've always wanted to take a razor to my face.

Vote early, Vote often. Take part in Shaving JAK Day 2013!

(- Daddy needs new EVERYTHING. At least this way, you all get a lil amusement out of my begging for money. -)

Op-ed: Seth MacFarlane not the "problem".

Queue people claiming I'm a vile misogynist and backlash saying that Brownworth hates her own gender for defending the "sexist pig" in
... 3 ... 2 ...

When you look at the first of the (what nowadays passes for) news outlets that started the "McFarlane is a sexist pig. How dare he!?!", you find blogs that have a history of actively seeking out gender issue related things to be outraged about. And if they can't find it ... they'll create it.

And since the mainstream media is lazy as hell (and the fact that sites like HuffPo are notorious for NOT paying their "reporters" except in 'exposure' ...) a lot of the following noise about this has just been those blogs being parroted.

It's nice to see someone actually speaking sense. Too much of the noise has basically been blaming the town crier for burning down Town Hall because he called the alarm.

Sadly, as I stated earlier, I can see the backlash being the writer being branded as a self-hater ... and some people I call friends that will now either say, or think, I am a misogynist.

A friend pointed out this lil gem of an article to me.

Two Phrases That Destroyed American Culture

I agree with most of this article. I'm not exactly on board with the thoughts written down about the phrase "You have to earn my respect." But moreso because of my own personal viewpoint. I agree completely with the sentiment behind it.

Some of you have been (un)lucky enough to witness when I wield my innate ability to channel "Asshole Prime" and focus it on a fellow customer who so dearly deserves it. (- Okay, sometimes I might take it a bit far and could be brought up on assault charges. But everyone in the place laughed their asses off when I rolled up a copy of Artvoice and corked the guy upside the head. -)

I've worked retail. I've worked jobs where my livelihood depended on tips. I have NO hesitation to call out someone when they are treating the person behind the counter in a rude manner.

NONE of you should have any hesitation in doing so. The asshats and bitches only act that way because no one calls them on their behavior.

DO NOT look away and act like it's not your business.

It IS your business.

The next person the fucktard will treat like shit may be a friend or family member.

STEM THE TIDE! CALL PEOPLE OUT WHEN THEY ACT LIKE ASSHATS!

Have you ever had a song from a favorite artist end up being a song you DESPISE because it is the ONLY song anyone seems to have heard of from said same band? Especially when it's the ONLY song from the band that any DJ will spin.

Health to the Company

Kind friends and companions, come join me in rhyme
Come lift up your voices in chorus with mine
Let us drink and be merry, all grief to refrain
For we may and might never all meet here again

Here's a health to the company and one to my lass
Let us drink and be merry all out of one glass
Let us drink and be merry, all grief to refrain
For we may and might never all meet here again

Here's a health to the dear lass that I love so well
Her style and her beauty, sure none can excel
There's a smile upon her countenance as she sits on my knee
Sure there's no one in in this wide world as happy as we

Our ship lies at harbor, she's ready to dock
I hope she's safe landed without any shock
If ever we should meet again by land or by sea
I will always remember your kindness to me

S@%$ my dad did.

As some of my longtime readers know; my dad was a workaholic. He started working, nearly full time, while he was still in primary school. Frankly, I'm surprised my mom was able to convince him to retire.

Dad used to leave for work before we would leave for school. He'd come home for dinner after closing the store up for the evening. But after dinner and the nightly news; he'd head back to the store to work on meat orders for the next morning(1).

Nowadays he gets to spend a lot more time with his favorite hobby; playing the guitar(2). But back then, hearing him play was an infrequent event. So they stood out.

His favored music has always been country. But he also has an oddball sense of humor. Which, of course, meant that a lot of the songs he played and sang were from acts like Ray Stevens & Da Yoopers.

Growing up with that being in the house; Is it any wonder that I discovered The Dr Demento Show at an early age? Is it any wonder that I branched out from funny country to just outright funny?

Kind of explains why I took to the music of Voltaire from the very first song of his I heard.

So thank you dad. Thank you for being the spark behind my love of the music of Stan Freeberg, Tom Smith, The Great Luke Ski and the other denizens of Dementia.

(1) At one point, our lil shoppe was the main meat provider for a number of the local restaurants. He was mentioned by name in a couple of the menus as the one who cut the steaks.

(2) Something my younger brother picked up but I never did.

Friday beer review 3-19-2010

NEMESIS 2009
(anti-establishment ale)

Founders Brewing Co

- Maple bourbon barrel aged wheat wine -

No idea what the APV might be. it's not listed on the label or the site.

"Every batch diabolically brewed to decimate ordinary-run-of-the-mill tasting beer." - from the label

In the decade and a half since opening, Founders Brewery has had a history of making specialty beers. This is one of their finer creations.

Prying the cap off the bottle; one is immediately gifted with a subtle aroma of the vanilla smoothness of good bourbon. This aroma is also present in the taste from start to finish.

It's a very hearty brew with a distinctly heavy mouthfeel. The flavour lingers on the tongue long after you've swallowed the last of the bottle.

The maplewood essense is also present in the taste.

In short, this beer is akin to drinking a heavy ale with a strong bourbon chaser while eating camp flapjacks with REAL sweet sap syrup.

This is not a beer for the light hearted or those with light pockets. A four-pack costs around $20.

If this wasn't one of their experimental one-off runs; I'd most definately stock it in my beer pantry. Right along-side New Holland Brewery's "Dragon's Milk", another beer that finishes in bourbon barrels.

Go forth, my minions!

Explain to me again why I'm not allowed to have an army of trained dermestidae which I could send out to devour the genitalia of those that displease me?

Thank you, Sir. May I have another?

This region is small. You'd think that the proselytizers would have a BIG RED X over my house on their maps.

Just had one at my door.

"Good afternoon, Sir."
--- "Actually, for me, it's the middle of the night. See the sign?" *

"Oh, I'm sorry for disturbing your slumber. Do you mind if I take just a few moments of your time?" **
--- "You're already taking moment of my time. But I'll let you have a few more because I have better manners than some on this porch."

He preceeded to go into his spiel. First going on about diet and how the foods we eat affect not only us but our children ... yada yada yada.
--- " I'm a strict fruitarian. And I live alone. " ***

THEN he got into the religious part. Talking about the lies of the Catholic Church and the moral christian fundamentals this country was founded on.

And THAT'S when I saw my cue to make this lil shit cry.

" You do realize that FUNDAMENTALISM is usually the youngest offshoot of whatever organizaed religion that spawned it? It's usually populated by the most narrow minded, bigoted and judgemental people. Since the whole concept of fundamentalism is trying to force what the leaders of that cult believe the fundamentals should be ... not what they actually were. "

" I do not need your bastardized translation paid for by a monarch who made sure the translation said what he wished it to say. James' fear of witches had a passage which should actually have translated as "DO not suffer a poisoner to live." as an excuse to kill untold number of 'witches'."

" If I want to read the bible. I'll read it in hebrew and aramaic. Do you speak or read these languages? "

" Tell me. How long have you feared your badly hidden homosexuality so much that you must go door to door professing how much homosexuality is a sin? This is your way of doing it since you're too frail to have taken part in the fag-bashing of the in-the-closet jocks in high school, right? "


Ahhhh ... I feel so much better now.

* (- DAY SLEEPER: Trespassers WILL be EATEN! -)

** (- I have to hand it to the young lil shit. He only looked worried for a moment. They're making the biblethumpers out of sterner stuff. That or breeding them with lower self-preservation instincts. -)

*** (- I wasn't going to go the whole route of Born Again Breathairian. -)

Feel the PAIN!

Ow ... even if it was faked by a contortionist ... ow!

Nine Inch Noel

So not right on so many not right levels.

I've had girlfriends like this.

... If baby begs and mommy likes ...

Blame Moo for this one

FEAR

What sparks things that scare us?

What I was really small the thing I was scared of the most was, of all things, The BLOB. For some reason that movie ( the original ) scared the bejeebuz out of me to the point of hallucinations. Of course it didn't help that my uncle (mother's side) would egg on my fear with all sorts of antics.

Later on, the Blob was replaced by GHOST STORY. Specifically one scene where the old man is driving and she appears out of nowhere. Even to this day I have trouble driving along wooded roads in the winter.

The last of my childhood fears was created by the novel, IT. I would walk the railroad tracks home and pass over an area that, in my mind, was a mirror of the area that the Loser Club would play. Walking home late at night I could envision Pennywise in one of his incarnations sliding up from the bay and try to drag me to the place where they all FLOAT!

Funny how sometimes memories of fear can take your mind away from being depressed.